"Dutch Ovens"/ Other Farting Rudeness.
(apologies to the Dutch. I'm sure you're all quite pleasant people.)
There is a phenomenon of farting in bed with another human, then pulling the covers up tight over their head... so they can't breathe, can't escape, can't avoid The All-Encompassing Fart.
This is not rude, people. It's plain abusive. Stop it.STOP.
posted by Anonyme. @ 12:36 PM
4 Comments:
I once had a shitty temp job at a shitty office reporting to this big fat smelly lady who smelled like shit... who happened to share my same name. Hence, ol'Shit-Smell wouldn't let me go by by own damn name, since she thought it would prove too confusing for the other dronish officemates. I tried all possible derivatives of my name, and all were rejected as apparently too CLOSE to our shared name for her comfort. So I picked "Fantasia" and refused to answer to anything else- which subsequently annoyed her to no end. Or should I say, "to HER end."
Believe me. She got me back. She orchestrated this ridiculous mass-mailing of bullshit press kits on paper-cut giving paper that all had to be done by me but supervised by her-- then locked us together in a small windowless room after lunch, and proceeded to rudely and directly fart AT me for the remainder of that entire livelong day. I never knew just how to react- every several seconds there was this horrible "burrr-AAAAATCCHHHH" from her nether regions, reeking of sulfuric shit-smell and egg and maybe bacon, i'm not sure-- but since we both were female, this was ignored and never mentioned, so we sat in silence (except for the occasional comment out of her ass) for the rest of the whole damn day. Me pretending it wasn't really happening, and her, I guess just daring me to say something.
I left that night feeling like I'd just spent a week at Burger King. My clothes reeked, my hair reeked, I felt greasy all over... and couldn't wait to take a shower.
... I hope I never need to keep a temp job that bad again. I have suffered for my art considerably.
Wow. Lots to process there, JacksMommy... but first off:
"lotta fast food gas comin outta that dank hole"-- oooowuuuggghhh- those few words strung together gave me the all-over body shivers. And i DON'T mean that in a good way.
Second: "a woman who appeared to be a relatively well-dressed homeless/insane woman on the middle mezzanine between the A and F trains at West 4th street. She wore several peasant skirts and petticoats, but carried several upscale shopping bags."
-- an Olsen twin? I'm shocked.
Third: it would be karmic retribution for the numeric couple on the counter to have been rolling in the other girls' feces. Just desserts (um-- go with it--)for public rudeness offenders!!
Yesterday in Guitar Center, there was a guy scratching his ass, not discreetely tickling but excavating deeply between his buttocks in front of the anvil cases. He was also emitting loud rectal noises which could be heard over the usual din of people cranking amps to see how loud they can play badly. He was so totally focused, like a dog with fleas, that he didn't notice the near-copulating pierced couple to his left (drum room) who got their tongue apparatus (apparati?) locked together and seemed to be struggling. So: What is the polite thing to do? Pretend they're not there? Call 911? Turn the hose on them? I'm not sure this particular situation will come up (no pun intended) again, but how would you have handled (um) it?
dearHeart:
You raise an interesting point. How I would have handled it...is fairly immaterial as I can be quire rude, myself, at times... but I think the best option is just to pretend that they're not there. Actually, you can deal with most people in the world this way. Makes for some fun afternoons.
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