Rude In Public!

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Monday, April 17, 2006

A Whole Latte Racism.


Starbucks is fanning the flames of insidious racism.
No, not really. But come on. It's fun to say.
So here's what my probem really IS: the Starbucks near my house, which I frequent on a daily basis, has a new barrista. The barrista wears Afro-Sheen, and it gets all over my drink.

So i KNOW this sounds racist, and i really don't mean for it to... "but".....
But... in case you didn't hear me the first time, whenever she makes my drink she leaves a slimy film of Afro-Sheen all over the top of the lid. How do i know this? How am I apprised of the distinct flavor of Afro-Sheen? If you must know, my idiot friends and I used to slather ourselves with Afro-Sheen to tan when we were in high school. It's a taste one doesn't readily forget... and more times than I like to recall, it sort of melted, ran down my face and into my mouth, so I remember it VERY well, indeed. So then.

Back to 2006. I now am faced with that self-same taste and problem, and incidentally it appears they haven't improved the formula at all with regards to my delicate palate. So you see where I am going with this: this now OBVIOUSLY affects the way my soy chai latte tastes. which puts me in a tremendously awkward situation. Do i ask the barrista to wash her hands after applying said product to her head, and appear to be completely racist? Do I ignore it, and every morning rue what was once a beautiful tasting thing (the latte, not the afro-sheen)? Do I go out of my way to drive to another starbucks, thereby complicating my morning routine immeasurably? Do I, as I did this morning, take the lid OFF and attempt to balance the full cup like that, all the while it's prematurely going cold? Do I ask for another lid (did that once, cannot get up the nerve to ask again- was worried it appeared too racist)?

-None of these are perfect options, and I cannot be satisfied with rank imperfection.
I really don't wish to be rude. but someone should say something to the manager. but then, that someone would appear to be anti-black-pride or something... and all I want is a decent fricking latte. and for afro-sheen to stay where it belongs. On people's heads.
Suggestions welcome--

15 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jesus, that's disgusting. Next thing you know, they'll want more than 3/5 of a vote.

4:16 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger Lazy Asian said...

what is that?

4:27 PM, April 17, 2006  
Anonymous Chanakin said...

See, now I heard Afro-Sheen actually improves the taste of soy chai latte.

Ask for two lids. The puzzled expression on her face would be an added bonus.

6:13 PM, April 17, 2006  
Anonymous heartinsanfrancisco said...

Consider telling her there's something on your lid and could you have another one. Do it every day. I realize this will soon get old and you'll feel weird, but you will get a new lid, hopefully clean, and maybe someone will eventually figure out what the problem is. You should not mention Afro-Sheen because it would put the onus on you as a perceived racist and not on the smutty lid where it belongs. You really used that stuff for tanning? Bless your heart.

7:15 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger Pamela Hollosnap said...

You've got some serious writing skills, so write an anonymous letter outlining your disgust and recognition of the flavor on the lid of your morning java, and it's obvious point of origin. If you say ANYTHING in person, it can easily be turned into a racist thing; which may not seem fair when one has a legitimate complaint; but hey, that's the PC climate we live in.

7:43 PM, April 17, 2006  
Blogger banjoeyes said...

What the hell is "Afro-sheen"? I guess I can imagine but down in the OC we used baby oil for tanning!

Soy chai latte... lucky you! I haven't seen a Starbucks in months, Can you believe it? I would gladly drink one with a little Afro-sheen... so smooth! Well probably not.

Sorry no suggestions on how to help cause no matter what you look like a real BITCH. Maybe you should suggest she read your BLOG.

4:54 AM, April 18, 2006  
Anonymous ProudMary said...

Mmm, but i AM a bitch. Clearly.

For those of you who (but how eez ziss even POSSible!?) who have not acquainted yourself with Afro-Sheen, it is a hair product intended to, I guess, give a healthy sheen to afros. Ya like that? Did that really need explaining?? ;)
If it helps, know that it is somewhat akin to Jeri-Curl (sp?).
There. Now I'm not just a bitch, I'm a racist bitch, right? Hey, I tells it likes it is.

11:59 AM, April 18, 2006  
Blogger banjoeyes said...

Now there ain't nothing wrong with being a bitch... racist well that's another story.

Afro-sheen... kinda like "soul glow"?

12:15 PM, April 18, 2006  
Anonymous ProudMary said...

ex-ACT-ly like "soul glow"! good call.

12:39 PM, April 18, 2006  
Anonymous StanfordPA said...

I wish I knew you. You are so funny!

8:57 PM, April 18, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel everyone is missing the silver lining here. At least this barrista is not on welfare.

11:27 AM, April 23, 2006  
Anonymous proudmary said...

By the way- this is STILL bothering me. It still is not resolved. And now every morning when I walk through the door, this same barrista sees me, calls out hello, and has my gross-tasting lidded latte steamy and waiting already by the time I get up there to pay. I can't be mad! She's too good to me! She knows my drink! But her hands really taste bad... and that's a fact.

9:52 PM, June 07, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ummm.... Here's a radical idea: Why don't you simply refrain from buying a $4 coffee every day and actually make one at HOME? In your PJs... sans afrosheen?
Sound like heaven to me...

7:09 PM, August 20, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't believe I've finally found someone else who was an idiot(as myself) who actually used "afro-sheen" hoping for that savage tan.

12:27 PM, November 22, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

heh this is quite funny im black and would not see a problem with you telling the manager that she indeed is getting afro sheen on your lid... it would probably be better if you could see it on the lid so as to not be deemed a racist, however, all of this aside you should always demand excelent customer service despite who is giving it and if the said person feels you are racist becuse of it, well that just makes them the little person.


go ahead use ur voice :)

1:37 PM, March 08, 2007  

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