Hey, I Got A Social Disease.

This whole social networking phenomenon kinda freaks me out. First of all, there's really nothing social about it-- sitting behind a computer screen typing something to someone you probably don't even know, never leaving your house, never really interacting. But whatever. That, I'm kinda used to.

What I CANNOT really understand, though, is people who customize their IM status with personal messages. (Apologies to several of my friends-- nothing personal meant, no harm intended. It's just weird. Feel free to rip on me about my own personal follies.) Anyway- there it is: more about you than I ever really wanted to know. And somehow, always with an exclamation point. "Eating!" "Sleeping!" "Taking a shit!" "Masturbating!!"-- all served up with equal candor and utter obliviousness to how little I freakin' care. And the real thing is.... it's rude. THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID IT!!!!! It's! R*U*D*E." To hoist your thoughts onto lil' ol' unsuspecting me is the cyber-equivalent of driving on a lovely day down some bucolic country road... and being affronted by billboard after billboard for hemorrhoid cream, local politicians, or whathaveyou. Now i actually have to interrupt my train of thought, picture YOU doing whatever it is you do that's so important you feel the need to advertise it.... then try to find my way back to my own thoughts, if i still can. Get yourself a webcam and be done with it. or read 1984, and consider.

How about "Status: dipshit"?